Every culture has expectations regarding its customs. What maybe considered the social norm in one setting may unintentionally be perceived as offensive or insulting in another. With this so ingrained, and considering I began in childhood, it took a while before I adopted the 'no editing' policy in my practice. I experienced an intensive trial-by-fire training, to become fearless with my faith and integrity.
I'm an intuitive, a multidimensional healer, an empath, to say I feel things intimately is an understatement as well as it is unintentionally vague. It sounds romantic without my meaning it to, nor do I intend for sentimentality. By sharing this case, it is my hope that you'll begin to see why 'telling it like it is', is important. On to it!
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They functioned as human crutches, the two friends that escorted an shell-shocked Alice to my office. Alice was trembling, her skin was ashen, her eyes were wet and glassy, she was not deeply connected to her body or her emotions. Her friends spoke up, "Her husband just died." That felt true. The decedent showed up immediately upon the reference, yet there was something there I didn't trust, that I didn't buy into.
"Please sit down" I invited, and on this rare occasion, I asked the other women to remain. There was something for them to understand too. The decedent also sat down, though noticeably not beside or not close to the widow.
Just then, my heart seized up with searing pain so immense that I lurched forward in my chair. There wasn't anything cool about it. Though all of what I needed to know and relay about Alice's husband was evident.
"Your husband is here." I said, "He is telling me he died suddenly of a (massive) heart attack."
The woman wailed, "Yes!"
In spite of their tears, there is still a dishonest feeling.
"Your husband was an asshole!" I declared.
"Uhhhh!" The three woman gasped!
Alice's friends looked at Alice with anticipation wondering how she would respond to what I just said. I looked at Alice with recognition, my energy inviting her to bring it all to the table.
(3, 2, 1...)
As the pain was leaving my chest, Alice's pale skin began to regain color. Her glassy eyes started to refocus. The grip on her friends' relinquished. The question mark on her brow became determining and her voice took on an entirely new tenor, "He was an asshole!" she asserted.
(Houston we have lift off!)
With those powerful words of recognition, came a massive energetic shift. The illusion that was inflated and sustained from the story around the sudden death of her husband, though a shocking event, could dissolve.
By acknowledging what was true, reflecting on how her husband actually behaved in life and how he treated her, Alice's healing began.
Her friend's were also touched as the spell was broken. This begot a deeper process and each of them received important recognizable messages and healing during that session.
It was a powerful and educational experience, also for me.
From my brief meeting with the decedent, I understood he was neither kind or gentle, though he did one very important thing: he took ownership of his behavior and tried to make reparations. Through his passing, he was confronted by how he treated people, especially Alice. His concerted efforts to guide Alice to me, knowing I would tell it like it is, so that he could let Alice know about his newfound realizations, was one of his tasks. He was directed to begin to make amends, to give her confirmation, to acknowledge wrong-doing. In doing so he would ignite his own humbling and lengthy healing process and give Alice something he could not or would not give her in life: freedom.
As for Alice, she wouldn't have recognized a spirit that arrived with flowers and chocolates and words of affection, because that isn't who her husband was in life. It didn't mean she didn't mourn, or that her shock wasn't real, but it did mean that by accepting him for who he was to her, and the nature of their marriage, she could let him go and move on.